Dr Lewis' Diary
by Sussudio1991
Summary: Lauren writes a heart-felt diary entry about the feelings loving and losing Bo give her. One-shot.


_**This piece is very close to my heart. For the readers of my other fanfics, I will do my best to update weekly, but please forgive me if it takes a little longer! Real hospitals take a lot of your time.**_

 _I never thought that life could be pulled from underneath my feet so easily. One moment we're perfectly fine, and the next.. We've always been very busy of course, myself as a doctor and a little tick-tock scientist, Bo studying the wonders of the human mind and putting it into practice in her work as a private investigator. We were always working so hard to create a better world for the people around us, that we might have lost touch with ourselves and our relationship with each other._

 _I do realize things never have been easy for her. I have my past with violence and the army that still catches up to me every now and then. Bo has had more family issues than I can count, giving her unstable ground, especially when she most needed it. Especially when she found out she was a succubus.. I always tried my best for her, working hard for a future together, when we could move past our family issues and financial issues and just live the happy lives that we created together in our minds. Science hasn't made it possible yet to create new embryos from the DNA of two women, but you know, we've always secretly dreamt together of how little Laurens or a little Bo would look, carefully picked out names even (I definitely said NO to Dyson for a baby boy's name). We dreamt of a future, a beautiful house, babies, great sex, waking up together every day. It was so perfect._

 _Until a shitty combination of events came along, making me wonder how in the name of science did I deserve this bad karma? Some string of events made that I got sick due to working too much in the science lab, spending a lot of time preparing on the future with little Bo's and little Laurens. I spent too much time in the lab, and too little time with the most beautiful woman in my life, the most beautiful person (and Fae) I had ever seen. Bo is so smart, so strong, so cheeky. She used to climb trees when she was younger just for fun. She is absolutely not a morning person for talking. Don't make her talk unless she starts the conversation, or she might be a little moody for a while. But no talking also means fabulous, sexy, amazing sex with her in the morning.. These are the best moments to tell that she's a succubus. She likes to drink a bit too much vodka when she's nervous. She's never liked cats very much but somehow I managed to convert her in loving the fluffly little critters._

 _She is passionate in everything she does, but what she does better than anyone I know, is love. Her love was_ so _special,_ IS _so special, that I feel like part of my heart has been ripped out the moment she left. She needed to find herself. She needed to work on family issues and distance was becoming a problem. Little did I know that I might have driven her away.. with my eyes too far ahead in the future, I've been walking too far away from her on our path together._

 _When that new girl came into her life, who was probably new and very exciting to her, gave her the attention I failed on giving her.. she walked out. I guess she was right to do so, but dropping me down a hole without looking back on why I might have been struggling.. that hurt. And so did find out about the girl, Tamsin.. Ugh, don't get me started on her. I don't want to think about it._

 _But I know that the adventure with Tamsin was short-lived, and unfortunately for Bo, Tamsin hurt Bo like only women seem to be able to do. Obviously I don't want to cheer, because anyone who hurts Bo is per definition an idiot in my book, but then again, Tamsin is gone.. and I could be on the idiot list too._

 _I haven't spoken properly to Bo in months.. It is so very uncomfortable. We went from talking to the loves of our lives every day, to a messy fight and too many miscommunications, to almost awkward strangers. Losing the love of my life is almost less painful than losing the best friend, the best person in my life I've ever had. I've never felt more like a lost girl than I do now. Even when I lost my innocence after the violence and the army I've never felt this lost for so long. And from what I hear I might not be the only one who is lost.. Bo seems to be too. I know she's struggling with her feelings because she's not ready to be back in touch with me. I can't tell if this is because karma made her end up hating my guts, if she maybe truly loved Tamsin, if it is the family issues or, maybe, just maybe, she's starting to realize, just like me, that the only times Bo and I weren't lost girls, was when we were together. Together we could conquer the world. We were never lost, we always had each other._

 _If I could tell her now, I would tell her how much I truly love her. Bo has always been and will always be the love of my life. I would tell her that if she's feeling lost I'd be always there for her. I would tell her that if she thinks I'm mad at her for leaving me when I was sick, leaving me to spend time with Tamsin, I would tell Bo that I forgive her. I will always forgive her._

 _But most importantly, I would tell her that I am always going to be loving her. I do realize she is a succubus and we are in a complicated situation, but I'd fight until the day I die for her. We can move on and live happily today, together. We can wait and see what the future brings for us, the little Bo's and Laurens can wait, but as long as I can wait on them with Bo, I'll be the happiest woman alive. Science can't beat love, ever. True love always finds its way._


End file.
